A Crack in the Rock

I am writing this from a hotel room in Washington D.C. where I am one of the speakers at the Aging In America National Conference. I don't speak until Saturday morning so I have used my time to attend several other sessions that were all very informative and shared some very useful resources.

I was so excited last year when I was asked to speak at the conference. I felt that this opportunity was important for my career in the aging field and that it would assist in catapulting me to a new level in my passion for assisting caregivers.

During a break today I began to think about the events since the beginning of the year leading up to me coming to this conference.

For the Chinese this is the Year of the Rat, for me this year can best be de scribed as "The Year of the Crisis". Some highlights include my step daughters canceled wedding, my best friend in and out of the hospital and in the months in between then and now being home bound ending up back in the hospital several times, a terminally ill friend and numerous other friends in need of help with both major and minor issues in their lives. There were many occasions where I got nervous when the phone rang because it just seemed like every time I turned around there was someone else that I loved in crisis. However; this week put me over the edge, my husband was in a car accident. Though he is ok, I can't begin to tell you how overwhelmed I was receiving a phone call from a paramedic telling me that my husband was in an accident and they were taking him to the hospital via ambulance!

As I sat in the waiting room of the ER I thought about a comment that a friends had said about me to another friend while she was in the hospital, my very appreciative friend said..."Sue is everyone's rock".

So humor me for a moment and visualize a very large rock, let's start with a bolder. It's big and can handle a large amount of debris and rain, however over time what happens to the bolder when the load falling on it becomes too heavy? At first sliver size fractures appear, most not even visible to the eye. Over time those fractures become larger and become visible cracks, those cracks can then become gaps and eventually the rock will begin to splinter and fall apart.

I won't lie to you, I am a cracked rock!

I am overwhelmed by the needs of other people in my life, I am tired and in need of a break. Ironically I am the person who has not allowed me to take a break.

The reality is that though I didn't have control of these circumstances I did have control of my reactions to them. In hind site, there is no doubt that I would have assisted my friends and family, however; I would have asked for help, set better boundaries, empowered others to do what they could for themselves and taken some time for me.

As caregivers we are the "rock" for those we love. We are the strength that stays focused to get the things done that need to be done; the "doers". However; we also need to make sure that we are taking care of ourselves, that we are practicing boundaries and not putting things on our plate that don't belong there!

So I ask all of you to step back and take a moment to look at yourself. Evaluate your fractures and try to look at ways to take some of the pressure off of you so that you don't end up cracked!

For those of you who are already cracked...the good news is that cracks can be fixed with time and the proper filler! So take a break! Get a message, a pedicure; take a bath or even a NAP! Take care of you!

Wishing you patience, love and compassion,

Sue Salach
Author